Dear Carrie,

Since my youngest son was born 4 months ago, my oldest son (2.75 yrs old) has gone through several “phases” that seem to be expressions of this transition. Most recently, he has said things like “Mommy likes the baby and Daddy likes me”. He also is showing a stronger preference for Daddy to do many of the things he used to love doing with mommy (ie: reading books at night etc..) As you can imagine, this is breaking my heart.

Is it safe to assume that these are all phases and that no “permanent” emotional hurt has been done to him through this change?? I’m confident that I’m doing my best to connect with him via eye contact, one-on-one time as often as possible, really acknowledging him throughout the day etc…

Is there anything else I should be doing??

Hi Mama,

Oooh, achy heart. I totally get it.

Rest assured it’s completely normal and honestly, would probably be happening even if your new baby had not come along. It’s perfectly developmentally appropriate for a 2.75 y.o. to start leaning more towards dad. It hurts but it’s normal and healthy. And the tide will swing back to you, and back to him and back to you… over time.

The best thing you can do is:

1) Take care of your achy heart and remind yourself that this is not personal and not your fault and he’s just growing growing growing.

2) Acknowledge what he’s saying — “I hear you. Daddy DOES like you. He likes you and loves you and he’s such a good daddy and we love him so much! And I like and love you, too. We have such a fun and loving family.”

Does that all make sense?

Hang in there mama. This is one of the hard phases. And, it will pass.