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Perfect parenting

This blog is an ongoing discussion between Carrie and Bernadette. It’s Bernadette’s turn to type…

Hey Carrie, I’m thinking you hit that nail on the head without a doubt. (Read Carrie’s last post on Conscious Parenting) I’m also thinking a lot of people are going to start quoting you on that definition of conscious parenting. I talk to a lot of people who are of the belief that to conscious parent means you are ascribing to a certain methodology but really, as you say, it’s about being in touch with the feelings underneath it all. The feelings of the children, parents as parents and as individuals, the couple as an entity and the family as a whole. It’s easier and more free than having to follow an outline in a book because it is really at our core or, at least, what we desire our joyful core to be.

I guess for me as one of nine and as a mother of four the idea of conscious parenting is also about learning from where we’ve been and taking what we want and leaving the rest behind. Really making it ours as we want it to be. You know, the idea that the only true mistakes are ones from which we learn nothing.

I want my children to understand that too. That parenting, or living even, is not about getting it perfect each and every time but also not being afraid to say, “woops, I messed up. I’m sorry about that. I’ll try to be more aware of that next time.” Consciously admitting that there is no perfect way or perfect time or perfect kid or perfect parent.

My new favorite line, that I came up with at 3:00 a.m. while up with a sick kid, is “Perfect parenting is sporadic at best.” That’s about all it can be. Moments of being spot on and moments of recognizing that next time we’ll do it differently.

What are some ways you think people might stay in touch with living from what is their desired core?

Comments

1. Poonam says: Mar 20, 2008

   People need to learn to be quiet. Verbally, mentally, physically. If you want to work on your definition of conscious parenting, try stepping back and looking at our parenting from the eyes of other cultures. Many old cultures that don't have the angst that we do over correct parenting (bottle/breast, bed, farbering, potting training etc..) and yet they do so well with what they have. Their kids are caring, decent, hardworking. They don't grow up hating themselves or their parents. They don't grow up empty. You couldn't pay me to raise my kids like them, but I still really want to learn what it is that makes those kids solid, and our Baby Boomer generation so solid as individuals compared to the generations since then. I think one big difference is that nowadays we try to hand all of life's answers to our kids and the result is that they don't know where to find the answers themselves. I would say conscious parenting won't allow for that. Conscious Parenting allows kids to struggle so that they can get confidence and skill in that area of resolving their own issues. Sometimes I think we just need to stop trying so damn hard. ...and then I think...no...this is America.. that could be a disaster. I just think we're not doing our kids any service by ....what to call it? I dunno- maybe "over-examining" ourselves? It's sort of borders on narcisistic parenting. Perhaps Conscious Parenting involves slowing down, listening to one's inner voice, as you say, (instead of all the media), listening to the kids, and then just holding on to that openness without trying to fill in the blank with the "correct" answer but rather allowing the answer to take shape. Perfect parenting, then, is not having all the right answers all the time, but being willing to hold that door open... even when you're tired of holding it open. You wouldn't close it on a wise old woman approaching slowly, right? That's it! That's what the older cultures have that we don't: patience for the answers. We want, we expect, and we demand of ourselves to have all the answers -and pronto. It's all wrong. Nice to have a forum to share ladies, thanks so much, Poonam, A Mum.

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